The "Lost" Max
Headroom
"Contest" Rules From the
Original British Show
The original Max Headroom show was aired
as a one-hour British TV movie.
This
movie (c. 1985) was aired just a few times in the U.S.
When
it was originally aired, it began with Max narrating an introduction
"teaser" for a "contest," and after the movie Max returned
with the contest rules.
This bit of Max
was edited out of the version of this movie that re-aired at least once in the
U.S. However, it is included on the original Lorimar video tape of the
British movie. Mostly, though, this footage is lost to time.
Here,
then, is the complete narration -- with all the crazy Max stuttering -- that
was included in the original airing.
This is Ma-Ma-Ma-Max Headroom.
And what you are about to witness is one
of the most sinister-sounding intros to a trailer to one of the greatest epics
ever produced in the history of television.
And there’s more.
Because you are going to see it as well.
Yes. It.
Yes. It.
Yes.
Namely, the Max Headroom Sto-Story.
Hah.
And afterwards, that is, directly
following, I want to talk to you about something that is even bigger, namely
the Karl-Lorimar Max Headroom Sweepstakes.
So!
Sit back, relax, and enjoy my film.
Hh-hh.
============
[Movie airs.]
============
Well, if that hasn’t got Oscar written
all over it, I’ll eat my invitation to the awards ceremony.
But, but, but, let’s move on to the
biggie, yes, the Karl-Lorimar Sweepstakes.
And here’s how it works.
I’m going to ask you four questions
about the film you’ve just seen. Four
questions. They‘re not
difficult. But being able to count
to four helps.
Ready?
Good!
- What
is a rebus? A rebus?
- Name
the doctor, name the doctor, the doctor, who has his own video symptom
show.
- During
one of my-my-my-my early broadcasts in the film, I made a little joke
about Eskimos. That’s been
very lucky to me. I said,
“[garbled speech played backwards]” – sorry – “Don’t Eskimos
ever get tired of their … blank? Can
you remember what it was?
- How-how-how-how
many combinations might Theora have had to try to break the code in the
computer generated cyber-space matrix of Bryce’s studio? Or, for you ordinary
people, his doorlock code.
OK.
No cheating.
No peering over someone else’s TV set.
Just write down your answers on a postcard
or a three by five inch card, and send it to this address:
Karl-Lorimar
Max Headroom
Sweepstakes
P.O. Box
10150
Newport Beach
,
CA
92658-10150
And here are the rules of the competition.
And don’t forget, entries must be
received by
the thirty-first of December, 1986
.
OK.
So.
While you read these rules [contest rules
scroll by on the screen], here are some of my own rules for television
behavior:
Rule 1:
Don’t sit right up to the TV set so other people can’t see. It’s
rude. It’s rude.
Rule 2:
Don’t squint at the screen. It’s
bad for your eyes.
Rule 3:
If you don’t sit up close to the set and squint at the screen,
you’ll never read these rules.
OK. Now for the prizes.
And yes, for third prize, one thousand Max
Headroom posters. That’s one
each, of course. They’re
great. You can stick them on your
wall. Or if you feel really silly,
you can roll them up and make rude noises down them.
And for the second prize, one hundred
people will get a Max Headroom t-shirt. That’s
no-double-dry-wash-and-wear-non-shrink-dry-flat-iron-flat-color-fast-no-dryclean-one-hundred-percent
cotton. Cotton.
Wonderful to wear. Just
don’t leave the label sticking out.
And what’s for first prize?
Oh, look at that, you cannot beat that for
a first prize.
Well, you can.
But I can’t.
Because for the big one, yes the
big-big-big-big first prize, is an all-expenses paid trip for two, to London,
England, on British Airways. Yes,
this fabulous trip is seven days, six nights, including round-trip coach air
fare and accommodation. That’s
double occupancy, that’s double occupancy, at the Hyde Park Hotel.
And, and, and, you’ll receive one thousand dollars to spend as you
choose.
If most of you haven’t got to grips with
the answers, then watch this outstanding movie again.
If you haven’t worked out the rules,
then get a grip on yourself and see your participating dealer or retail
outlet.
And if you haven’t worked out how to use
a three-iron to get out of a bunker … change your grip.
Good luck!
And see you in
London
!
Hah!